Ask Sally #14 - Rules and advice

I posted a short story for critique, and someone has said that 'all my adverbs and adjectives must go', and that this is a 'golden rule'. Is it? Or is it purely a ridiculous statement made by someone who reads nothing but how-to-write books?

In my online writing group, we have a smilie of a man banging his head against the wall. I wish I could show it to you, as that's what I'm doing right at this moment.

I'm wary of 'golden rules', as it's never clear who made up these rules. Whether it's someone who reads or writes nothing but how to write books, I don't know. Personally I think it's just people who heard that it might be better to ration the use of adverbs and adjectives and Chinese whispers turned it into a 'rule'. Mainly because people either can't be bothered to explain why it's best to be wary, or, more likely, they don't actually know why. It's just something they've heard and thought must be right because it's been said by someone who claims to be an expert.

Take the rule regarding adverbs and adjectives. An adverb, if you don't already know, is a word that describes how something (a verb) is done, and usually, but not always, ends in -ly.

For example 'Sandra walked to the shops quickly'.

In that sentence, where the verb is 'walked' the adverb is 'quickly. When people talk about avoiding adverbs, it's usually the -ly words they mean, but they seldom say that, so it can be very confusing.

Another example of an adverb is 'The nurses treated Sandra well.'

In that sentence, the verb is 'treated' and the adverb is 'well'. So if you take out all adverbs, you don't just take out the words ending in -ly, which is what most of the 'golden rule' makers mean when they say 'don't use adverbs', but you also lose other words from your writer's toolbox. Words that describe how things are done. As in 'She did it well.' 'She finished it on time'. 'He laughed out loud'.

An adjective is a word that modifies a noun or pronoun. For example big, old, brown, pink, empty. So if you remove all adjectives from your writing how on earth are you going to be able to say that your heroine has auburn hair? Or is wearing a black dress? Or that the spaceship was enormous? Adjectives can also be used when praising or insulting something. You could go to see a 'fantastic' film, or read a 'terrible' book. Whilst it might be wise to ration the superlatives in your writing, you don't want to lose them altogether.

I attended a writing class, and the speaker told me that I had to take any instance of 'was' or 'were' out of my work as they're passive. Is this correct?

And there goes that head-banging smilie again!

Okay, passive sentences. It's easier to give examples than to explain exactly what a passive sentence is, using was and were.

The cat was taken to the vets by Geoff.

In this sentence the cat is passive, as it is being taken the vets by Geoff and has no control over it (though I've yet to meet the cat who could take itself to the vets!)

Geoff took the cat to the vets.

This is a more active sentence, as Geoff is performing the action of taking the cat to the vets.

The couple were taken to the theatre by Brian.

This is passive, as Brian is the active person in this sentence.

Brian took the couple to the theatre.

This turns Brian into the active character and puts the active noun (Brian) at the beginning of the sentence instead of at the end.

Okay, so now we know (I hope) the difference between active and passive sentences, using was and were. Knowing that, do we think they should all be deleted from our story?

I don't think so. Imagine you've got a character who's just been kidnapped. They're completely at the mercy of their kidnapper. Might it not be appropriate to have them as the passive character? After all, they're in someone's mercy.

So 'Sandra was kidnapped by a man in black', is a reasonable enough sentence, though the rule makers would have you say 'A man in black kidnapped Sandra'. This makes sense if the man in black has been your focus all along, and you've been following his plans to kidnap poor Sandra, but if your focus until the kidnap is Sandra, or the person talking about Sandra, who you've described as leaving work and going to her car, before being coshed over the head, you can't suddenly make the unknown kidnapper the main subject of the sentence as it becomes a switch in focus. It could easily throw your reader.

So you really do have to consider before following this 'rule'. Does that sentence need the 'was' or 'were'. If you can change it do, but don't tie yourself up in knots to do it if it's perfectly good way of describing what's going on.

As for 'were', if you remove every instance of that, you're going to have a lot of problems with past tense. For example: 'The three men were in the airforce together'. I suppose you could say 'The three men served in the airforce together', but eventually you're going to have to use were. i.e. The three men served in the airforce together. They were good friends.'

It's a matter of judging for yourself whether the word is appropriate or not in the context in which you use it. It might also be a matter of sentence structure and rhythm. Blindly following the rules could leave you with a very dry piece of writing.

Imagine you've seen a recipe for a wonderful sticky toffee pudding. You make it once and it's delicious, but all the things that make it delicious also make it a bit too sweet. So the next time you make it, you reduce some of the ingredients. It tastes perfect, but you're still worried it's not good for you or the people you serve it to. From then on, everytime you make this sticky toffee pudding, you reduce some of the ingredients. At the end of several months of reducing the ingredients you have a cake that looks okay, though a bit anemic compared to the original, but it's probably very good for you. Trouble is, it's completely tasteless and neither you or the people for whom you baked it are half as interested in eating it as when you made those earlier cakes.

I think this is the danger you run when you start over-editing your work according to all these rules. You remove so many of the ingredients that you end up taking all the flavour out of it.

More Links

BBC Skillswise: Grammar

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Adverb

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Adjective

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/English_passive_voice